As the mother of two teenagers, a recurring conversation theme in our home is friendships, and the importance of being selective when choosing those with whom we invest our time.
Recently, our oldest son, who is heading to college in the Fall and will have an opportunity to build new friendships, asked me to share my standards for my friendships.
Here is what I shared with him:
“For me, it’s about TOTAL trust. Does this person want the best for me? Can I trust them to not intentionally hurt me or harm me? Will they walk beside me when I am in a difficult place? And be there to catch me when I fall?
Will they tell me the truth, rather than tell me what I want to hear? Are they completely committed to my success and happy for me when I achieve (without envy)? Do they treat others with kindness and compassion?”
These are my standards. We attract how we show up in this world. I am beyond blessed to have the friends I have in my life. But it is not accidental. It is because I have high standards for myself – for what I will and will not accept from others, and how I will show up in the lives of those I love.
If we do not intentionally set standards, we default to standards set by others.
Those standards may or may not align with our core values, and they may or may not be in our best interest. The intentional selection process extends beyond just our personal connections.
In business, our circle of influence is vitally important to our personal and professional growth. Whether we are seeking a formal group of advisors and mentors, or we are simply interested in expanding our professional friendships, establishing a baseline for what we need and admire enables us to seek out & attract compatible individuals and communities. How much thought do you give to your inner circle?
When I work with CEOs, this is one area we closely examine. With the exception of our own influence through the messages we tell ourselves, our inner circles provide the most influential direction in our lives.
We are the average of the 5-7 people closest to us. As part of the homework I assign to my clients, I ask them to examine who they have allowed in their inner circle in the past, who is in their current inner circle – and why, and who they would like to have in their future inner circle, based on where they are going.
Our work together is focused on moving them from current state to desired state.
Part of the journey from Point A to Point B is enlisting the help of others.
Therefore, it is necessary to align our support systems with our growth goals.
Once we identify who they need in their future inner circle, we then devise a strategy to connect with them. This process entails crafting a solid value proposition and messaging, as well as clarity regarding what my client is seeking from the connection.
The process of building significant, new relationships must be intentional and strategic. We must be prepared to bring trust and transparency to our relationships to connect on a meaningful level.
What do your inner circles look like? Do the people closest to you have your best interests? Are they capable and willing to help you move forward?
Your inner circle is a sacred place. It should be reserved for only those that deserve to be close to you.
What are your standards for your most important connections?
Please reach out to me if you would like assistance in evaluating and building your circles. You deserve to be surrounded by the very best people that are committed to your health, happiness, and success.
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About Successful Culture
We work with business owners, CEOs, and leadership teams that want to achieve their greatest personal & organizational potential. Through coaching, strategic consulting, retreat facilitation, and workshops, we equip leaders & emerging leaders with the mindset, tools, strategies, and processes they need to excel.
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Learn about the 12 Habits of Horrible Leaders, and How to Break Them.
Wishing you joy and success on your journey!
In gratitude,
Marissa Levin
CEO, Successful Culture
“Taking Leaders from Triage to Transformation.”
[email protected]
